My Country House

     It was the weekend of the 17th that C, Vodka and three of Vodka’s friends ended up going to my country house. We were mostly drunk and high the whole weekend, and didn’t get to go out a lot (mostly because I forbid them to drive if they were inebriated). But first, some character outlines for Vodka’s friends. First I have to think of some nicknames….

Aumn

-One of Vodka’s close friend. They’ve been friends since high school

-Seems like a very nice guy, although a little too serious. Whenever I teased him, he took it seriously and seemed to get offended

-When he’s drunk, a appears to be hitting on you. He did this with me and C said that he was “touchy-feely” in a weird way towards her as well.

Slo

-Hilarious kid that is impossible to have an awkward conversation with

-I didn’t get to know him that well, despite living in the same house as him for 3 days… I wish I had gotten to know him better. Maybe next time.

Wolf

-I’m not sure if I’ve already mentioned him or not, but I went to the country with him, Vodka and C on labour day weekend. I don’t think I gave him an alias yet.

-Is kind of a play boy, but is really funny despite that. I don’t care if he does the play boy shit as long as he doesn’t try it on me.

-Very funny

-Kind of dumb though. But it’s not like crippling stupidity, he just seems to have gaps in his general knowledge.

-Is the kind of guy that will whistle at girls while they pass and kind of be a jerk

-Thank god he’s not a jerk with me though….

-Is actually very religious (like believes in creationism), despite his play boy pass time, and has told me that he ideally wants to be married by 20, but he also knows that isn’t going to happen. He wants to marry a christian girl and he has started going back to church.

     So C and Vodka were basically in their room the whole time. We barely saw them at all. It was mostly just me and the boys. I really got the impression that they didn’t like C, which for me is kind of surprising. Usually people aren’t able to see through her act so easily, although these boys were able.

     I’m not going to lie, all of these guys were very handsome. And the fact that they didn’t wear shirts for the better part of the weekend didn’t help either. They were mostly drunk and/or high the whole weekend, shirtless and chopping down trees in my forest… shirtless. Drool. I’m not going to lie, they had the bodies of gods. And I’m also not gonna say my hormones weren’t acting up either, because they were. But don’t worry, I haven’t forgotten about Apple.

     Wolf was really funny about all of us being together all the time. He treated me like the “mother” of our “family” and he took the role of “father”. He would say stuff like “I really don’t like the way we’re not spending enough family time together!” He would make us all eat together, and hold hands and say grace before eating. It was actually kind of funny, but I really enjoyed the time I spend with them.

     There was one morning where they all decided to finish a huge bottle of JD at nine in the morning, without eating anything before. Slo ended up puking up half of it, but the other two didn’t. On the down side, the other two were drunk until about four in the afternoon, slept most of the day and had hangovers by the time it was nine at night. So we didn’t party too hardcore that night. But some of the things they did. It was during this that I noticed Aumn acted very strange…

     It all started with Aumn trying to make boiled eggs. He was so drunk that he put a frying pan on the stove and then filled up a ceramic bowl with water, put the eggs inside and put it on the frying pan. I heard the water boiling and went to check on it. I was laughing so hard when I saw what he had done, and still tease him about it. So I took out a pot and started to boil the eggs properly. That’s when Aumn came over and pretty much cornered me against the stove and started stroking my hair. I thought it was a bit strange, but I attributed it to his drunken state and the fact that I was the only available female he saw for three days.

     The next time he acted strange was later that night when Wolf, Aumn and I went for a walk. They were both baked as fuck, and kept on stopping on the road to look at the stars. I finally decided to take them up into the forest and lie down on some leaves to look at the stars through the trees. It didn’t escape me that it was a very romantic setting, but to be honest, I didn’t think much of it. The two guys saw several shooting stars, but unfortunately I didn’t see any. I told them to make wishes. The first shooting star spotted was by Aumn. I was super happy and told him to make a wish. I was lying in between him and Wolf. Wolf turned to me, looked into my eyes a second too long, and said “I already have,” It made me pretty uncomfortable, but thankfully, we left the next day, and cleaning took up most of out time so there wasn’t much to think about.

     Anyway, after C told me that Aumn put his hand on her waist when he was drunk, I think that’s probably just how he acts around girls when he’s drunk or high, and to be honest, I’m really glad. Mostly because he was also friends with Apple in high school and doesn’t know that I like him. So I’m glad I didn’t have to reject another guy….

     Anyway, that’s mostly what has happened in the time since I’ve stopped posting. Except for the party last weekend, when I saw Apple… I’ll talk about that in my next post. For now….

Peace

C & Arrow

     So C and Arrow have had two big fights in the past month. The first one was because, well… okay this is going to take a lot to explain. Let me first move onto Elf and Boxer, because although they are not the root of the problem, they are part of it (although they don’t know that). C and I have watched Elf and Boxer as a couple for almost 4 months now. They’re super cute when they’re together, and they really like one another, although they never make out in front of people. At least they have some propriety. Anyway, I think C was very jealous because she used to be best friends with Boxer and Elf kind of took him away from C. Although C never though of Boxer as boyfriend material, she really liked him being one of her best friends. But Now Boxer and Elf are pretty much inseparable and are always hanging out together. They’re basically never apart. And C has watched this and she hates it. She even told me she doesn’t want to be like that with Vodka.
     But to be quite honest, she is. I’ve been seeing a lot of her lately, basically every weekend for the past 3 months because we’ve been hanging out with Vodka, Apple and sometimes Roman. But she hasn’t really been seeing any of her other friends (from what they’ve told me). So Arrow, who is admittedly not the brightest crayon in the box, told her this. He told her that she should leave some time for her friends because she was neglecting them. He is very blunt. I think normally, someone would be able to take this like a man, and realize, yeah, they haven’t been seeing much of their friends and try to fix the situation. Instead, C, who has the worst temper known to man, just cold shoulders him for the next two weeks. Although she doesn’t directly fight or do anything very visible, things happen under the surface. She tells all of his friends (including me) what he said and how hurt she is by is, and of course everyone wants to comfort her and tell her that’s not how things are at all. But they say this not because it’s the truth, but because we’re all so scared of her, that if we actually say “Well, he’s right.”, then her temper will turn on us and be about ten times worse. So she sets a really deadly trap for us. It’s kind of hard to explain it in words… all I can say is that if you knew her, you would understand.
     Two weeks later, she finally decides to forgive him. And when I say forgive, I mean pretend everything is alright, even though she’s still angry about it, and instead, she’ll bring it up one or two years later in a conversation in order to guilt trip you into doing something for her. Or just to make you feel bad because you may have said something to offend her that day. That is how C is.
     But now Arrow’s done something else (god have mercy on his soul, because I don’t think he’s going to get far in life if he’s so emotionally stupid). He has to do a project for some class, and he has to do it on dysfunctional families and how you can tell if a family is dysfunctional just from looking at five of their family pictures. So he goes and asks C if he can have 5 of her family pictures. Of course, she asks why, and once again he’s blunt and to the point, saying that he has to do a project on dysfunctional families and he thought hers was the perfect one to choose. She was absolutely livid, and now isn’t talking to him again. Of course, he tells me about it because I’m one of her two best friends (the other being Elf). He says he wants to apologize immediately. Normally this might be a good idea (although not always). But in C’s case, this definitely is not the best course of action. What you need to do with her is just let her cool off for a few days and then apologize. And when I say apologize, I mean grovel your little brains out, because she won’t accept anything else. You have to do the human equivalent of a dog rolling onto it’s back, showing it’s stomach and whining. Seriously.
     Although I’m terrified of C and whether or not she gets angry at me, at the same time I feel very sad for her. She keeps all her friends through fear. Although there are some really good parts about her, as I said, sometimes the bad overrides the good so much, that you can barely even notice it.
     To be honest, hanging out with her so often for the past 3 months has been like walking on egg shells. I know I can’t let her get angry at me, otherwise I won’t be able to see Apple. Because Apple and I haven’t gotten on the basis of hanging out with each other one on one. It’s always her and Vodka that hang out and then she invites me and he invites Apple. Even though we know this is exactly how things are going to turn out, if she were to get angry at me, I wouldn’t be able to see Apple at all. And that’s the only reason I’ve been getting along with her so well for such a long time.
     Anyway, I’m sorry for my rambling. I really do tend to do that. But there’s so much more to talk about in the time that I haven’t written. I’ll tell you about my weekend in the country with four handsome men and C next time. For now…

     Peace

A little update on Shy Guy

     So much has happened since the last time I wrote. I really don’t even know where to begin. I’ve only seen Apple once since the last time I posted, which is actually really sad when I think about it…
     But I’ll start with what I promised the last time I really wrote. Yeah so I’ve been hanging out with Shy Guy for some time now. He really is sheltered and caught up in his own little world. He seems a bit socially retarded when it comes to girls (or people). I don’t know, because I’m not a guy, but he does some things that are really shocking to me. I don’t know if guys would find this normal or not. So we’re english buddies. We hang out before and after english class. But today we had a test and I guess he finished before me. Instead of waiting for me, or tell me he was done, he just left. And this is a pretty casual class, so the teacher wouldn’t have minded if he just nudged me or something, to show he was done. I didn’t even notice, so I don’t even know what time he left, but he couldn’t at least said something? Or maybe waited a bit? I don’t know, that’s something a girl would have done. Just waited outside the class for a friend, or wait until they were done. 
     But he really is a kind person, even if he does always sound like he’s angry at me. It’s strange, because I actually asked him if he was angry at me once, and he looked so surprised and said that he has never been angry at me since we’ve met. Maybe he just naturally sounds angry? I don’t know… I find it a bit strange. Today I actually made him laugh (which I’m actually very proud of! He’s far too stoic…). I’m just glad that I saw another side to him, I feel like I’m getting to know him better and better each week. We had a very long discussion last week, where we mostly talked about the girls he has liked. I told him he looked like the kind of guy that likes a cute little dumb blonde on his arm at all times, and all he did was laugh and ask how I knew he liked blondes. Isn’t the answer obvious? Just about all guys like blondes in this day and age, it wasn’t that hard to guess. He even admitted to me that I knew everything about him already, and I’d barely known him a month. I’m not sure, but I think he implied that I knew more than most of his friends knew about him, which is surprising seeing as I don’t feel like I know him that well at all. 
     There are only two things I find very pitiful about him. The first is that he doesn’t seem to be able to see past good looks. I think he is the type of guy to like a girl more for her looks than for her personality, and I can only hope that in time that will change. I think living a life based solely on appearances is really pitiful. To be honest, I’ve loved some really ugly guys. They may not have been much to look at, but they were sweet and kind, with good principals and generally smart boys. And even if I stopped liking them, I still knew they were the kind of men that would make good husbands one day, and would love and treasure people for who they were. Maybe this is just a romanticization, but I believe it to be the truth.
     The other thing that I find very pitiful about him is that he doesn’t believe in love. Of course, I saw through him immediately. The first thing I asked when he said this was, “Your parents don’t have a good relationship?” He seemed very shocked and asked me how I knew (he also mentioned they fight constantly). But this is something I’ve noticed in people. Children get their ideas about love from their parents. Generally, if you have parents that love one another, you tend to look for that kind of relationship as well. If your parents are always fighting, then you tend not to believe in love and instead settle on someone that may not be compatible for you, and in turn, end up fighting with your spouse as well.
     I know that for me, this is all common sense, but I always seem to impress people when I’m able to make these deductions in a split second. But I think the only reason people think I’m so emotionally smart is because I have a trait that is rare. I have a strong sense of empathy. I can easily put myself in other people’s shoes and think “How would I feel if this happened to me? What would I do? How would it effect me?” And this is the only root of my intelligence.
     Any how, I think I’ve written enough for today, I’ll tell you about C and Arrow’s fight tomorrow.

     Peace

A Brief Character Outline

So here are all of my friends (that I may or may not have mentioned so far)

C
-She is going out with Vodka
-She has been one of my two best friends since grade 5 (age 10)
-She is pretty, although not beautiful
-Has a great personality when you first meet her and makes a wonderful first impression
-After several years of knowing her, you know her personality is not that great (although there are definitely parts of it that are amazing) but she has such a bad temper that it can really override any other feelings towards her
-She actually does have the worst temper I’ve ever seen
-She never says anything directly, but always makes little, picking comments, or just will get into such a bad mood that the only thing you can do is avoid her for a month or so
-She has a wonderful taste in music
-Very broad general knowledge
-Went to an all girls school and is now fucked up because of it
-When she likes a guy, she obsesses over him, never stops talking about him, and usually has at least 6 crushes at once. Will never stop talking about any of them
-You will loose count of all the different crushes she has
-Has the tendency to think a guy is the most amazing thing when she first meets him and goes on about how amazing he is, even if she doesn’t have any sort of crush on him. A few weeks later you will ask her about that same guy and she will go on at length about how much she hates him now.
-She tends to think mean guys who are mean to other people are really funny and “hilarious”
-She is the worst judge of character I have ever known. She thinks the nice guys are boring and the mean ones are funny. This is why after a month or so she realizes this, and decides to hate the guys.
-All of her other boyfriends have been these guys that are absolute jerks, but that she finds “hilarious”. I’m very surprised she’s actually dating a nice guy now
-Frustratingly hypocritical
-Also, very critical
-Has an extremely mean, passive aggressive mother, who is not nice to her whatsoever
-She learned how to be extremely passive aggressive from her mother
-Has the most uninviting home you will ever step into

Vodka
-boyfriend of C
-Is very attractive
-Plays Dungeons & Dragons (in fact that’s how C and I met Vodka and Apple)
-Is actually the kindest person I’ve ever met
-Extremely chivalrous (the epitome of a gentleman)
-Has a strange sense of humour and extremely amusing faces when amused
-Is a little quiet when sober, but when he’s drunk, he’s very talkative, funny and interesting
-Is a functioning alcoholic

Roman
-A guy I’ve known since I was 17, although he made a horrible first impression on me and I even banned him from entering my house, I’m now friends with him
-Is a very strange individual
-Is on the border of average and attractive
-Also plays Dungeons & Dragons. He’s the one that introduced C and I to Apple and Vodka
-Has a tendency to look like he’s hitting on me when he’s drunk, even though I know he’s not
-Is extremely worried about his weight, probably has manorexia
-Very strong views
-Is intensely interested in Dragon Ball Z and will have drunken conversations with Apple whenever possible about amazing scenes in the manga of DBZ
-When he likes a girl, he becomes obsessed with them, sometimes to the point of stalking (I’m actually not kidding) although he means no harm by it. He actually does think he’s in love like no other person could ever be.

Elf
-My other best friend who I’ve been best friends with since I was 9 months old
-She is really kind and doesn’t have a mean bone in her body
-Is so shy it’s actually crippling
-Is the one of the funniest people I know
-Extremely beautiful
-Is an alcoholic, and not a functioning one like Vodka. She gets so drunk she has huge black outs, goes home with guys she doesn’t know, finds scratches all over her body but can’t remember how she got them, sounds like a gay man when she’s drunk (just the intonation). And she does this every weekend
-Her parents divorce is what I think caused her alcoholism
-Her mother now acts like a teenager, always going off with her various boyfriends and leaving Elf alone for sometimes a whole week without even telling her
-Mother and brother were emotionally abusive to her
-Will never confront someone if she’s in a fight with someone, she will always run away (either literally or metaphorically)

Boxers
-This is the boyfriend of Elf
-very nice, totally in love with Elf
-Him and Elf always go out on dates and have fun together
-Is very rich
-Sounds like he’s gay, but (probably) isn’t
-Has a lot of girl friends but no guy friends
-He probably makes Elf feel loved unconditionally, which is good because she never got that from her parents
-Is also very funny, which is good because him and Elf can be funny together, and they do have a lot of inside jokes

Arrow
-This is my gay boyfriend. This means he is 100% gay, but we do everything else that a couple does together.
-Is nice, but way too needy. He always wants to hang out with me, and sometimes I get annoyed by his extreme gayness
-Gets jealous. Easily. Whether it be other gay guys I hang out with or straight guys. If I hang out with too many other guys, he starts getting a bit mean to me
-Gives the worst relationship advice. His solution to everything is “break up with him”

Apple
-The guy I’m crushing on
-Is not that attractive, but I like him anyway
-Plays Dungeons & Dragons (He’s the Dungeon Master, the nerdiest position in the game)
-He’s smarter than me
-He’s blunt to the point of hurting people without realizing it
-He enjoys R&B, rap, raggea and the blues
-Likes astrology
-Always wears oversized dress shirts (usually plaid) and jeans. I know, not that hot
-Is a complete nerd. But that’s okay, because even though I look like a normal girl, I’m also a nerd at heart.
-Likes Dragon Ball… a little too much
-Made his own cock ring once. He enjoyed it and wasn’t ashamed to admit that he made it himself and enjoyed it
-It was implied to me that he trimmed his pubes into a mushroom cut
-Has what one might call a mushroom cut (but not so much…)
-His eyes change colour from blue to green. Sometimes they’re grey blue
-He’s half german
-When he gets drunk I can’t really tell, even when I’m sober. He’s still able to talk completely coherently
-I think I may be in love with him. Which is bad, because I’ve had boyfriends for six months who I never even considered being in love with.

To be honest, I could go on for another 10 pages about all the characteristics of Apple, but I won’t bore you with that.

I’m sorry I haven’t been active in the past month (!!!). But it’s been my midterm month, so I’ve been way too busy with school to write anything. I’ll start back on my daily routine tomorrow, and I’ll definitely fill you in on what’s been happening. Going to a party now, I might end up writing something when I get home. Again, sorry.

Peace

Religious facebook addicts

Rant of the day: Religious facebook addicts

    Okay, just a little rant here but like you know what really annoys me? Religious friends that constantly update their facebook status’ to something along the lines of “I love Jesus”, “Jesus is love”, “God loves me”, etc. I mean, I don’t mind if you’re religious and whatnot. I mean, it’s cool, you believe in something enough to actually get up early on a sunday morning to go to church and/or do any other early morning religious things (if you’re hardcore muslim then you pray five times a day, if you’re jewish…. you get lots of money during your bar/bat-mitzvah)

    But I don’t need a goddamn update of your every waking thought about you religion pertaining to Jesus, God, Allah, Buddha, Vishnu, Kamis, or any other goddamn deity. If I actually belonged to one religion this might annoy me even more, because of age long rivalries between certain religions. But I’m not. I’m agnostic. And I don’t need this interwebs pollution on my news feed.

    Okay, I know it’s short today, but I just haven’t had time to really write anything. I hung out with Shy guy for like 4 hours today, which was really cool. He seems really sheltered and just like… I don’t know. Just caught up in his little world of italianess, house, techno and babes. I’ll elaborate on this tomorrow when I have more time.

Also, I might be going to another party with those uni guys that I went to Deadmau5 with. And Apple might come. All in all, tomorrow night will hopefully be awesome. And some news about C and my gay boyfriend, who I’ll call Arrow. They got in a fight. I’ll give the deets tomorrow.

    Now I have to finish a paper and go to bed. Fuck my fucked up sleeping schedule… and school for stressing me out so much more than necessary. I hate midterms.

A little summary of my day and tidbits of my life

 

    Today it’s raining outside and I’m in a strange, groggy mood. I think I might have gotten too much sleep last night, which made me even more tired today. The rain really makes me feel nostalgic, I have to say. It makes me really want a boyfriend. On these kinds of days it’s best to curl up in bed with a boyfriend like a good book.

Cuddling in bed with a nice boy is actually the best, especially when it’s rainy outside. Or, you know, sex. Either way, it’s cool. Also, I’ve had this and this song stuck in my head. The first song is probably because I keep on thinking about Apple…

    So today I ended up seeing one of my good friends, who I’ll call Greece. The awkward thing is I bumped into C while I was with her. The reason this is awkward was because… well this is going to take a lot of explaining.

    Basically, Greece was in love with t his guy from when she was about 13 or 14 until her first year of college. Even though he had a girlfriend, she would still talk to him, and his girlfriend, who I will call Ski, was jealous of Greece. So Ski would be really mean to Greece (sometimes not undeservedly) and so they have a long history of rivalry. Now Ski is a good high school friend of C, so C has basically known about Greece since she was 13 or 14 because Ski would always complain about Greece. C didn’t meet Greece until last year when we were in our first year of college. In our first year of college, Greece finally got over this boy and instead one of this boy’s best friends fell for her. So they started going out sometime last year.

    Talk about AWKWARD. Going out with your first love’s best friend. So now she always has to see her first love, and his girlfriend who hates her.

    So C invited me to go get coffee with her while I was with Greece, and I said I was with Greece, but she insisted we both go with her. I felt really caught in the middle, because even though Greece has no problem with C, C (who, let’s be honest, is kind of a bitch) doesn’t like Greece. I would call it loyalty, except that a) Greece is actually a really nice person, and Ski is a total bitch (I would know, I’ve heard some interesting stories from C and I’ve witnessed it first hand) and b) C doesn’t even really talk to Ski anymore because of what a bitch she is.

    Also, just a quick explanation of the school system where I live.

    Elementary School –> kindergarten – grade 6

    High School –> grade 7 to grade 11

    College –> lasts two years (4 semesters)

    University –> 2 year B.A., and I’m pretty sure a Master’s And Ph.D are the same amount of         time as the U.S.

    Anyhow, I’m actually looking forward to my time in English with Shy Guy. I really want to be friends with him for some reason, I just have a feeling about him. I think he would make a really good friend. To be honest, I collect friends like some people collect stamps. Some of them are unique, some of them are just like all the rest. But sometimes one comes along and I just get this feeling of “I really, really want that one” and I kind of collect them.

    I used to be a very shy person before college. I was that girl in the back that didn’t really say anything. I was smart, everyone knew I was smart, and I only really had 3 friends. Although I also had my 2 other best friends from elementary school. C I became friends with in grade 5, and so we’ve been best friends ever since, even if she is kind of a bitch and gets on my nerves. My other friend, I’ll call her Elf, I’ve been friends with since I was 9 months old. So we’re real biffles.

    I really started making friends when I was 17 and started throwing big parties with lots of people. I have to say, I made a lot of connections from those parties, and so many friends that I later got to know better at college. Also, my whole high school and whole elementary school basically went to the only normal english college in the city. Every other college is either french or bad college and there’s one private english college. So mine is really the only normal one. Once I got to college I realized I already had a very vast network of friends (even more vast than I thought). So I met friends through other friends and also made new friends in classes I had.

    I’ve learned to be less shy, but I still know what it’s like to be the shy person in the back barely any, or no friends. And I’m always endeared to those kinds of people. I always want to be friends with those people, because I think they’re the cutest kind. That’s kind of what Shy Guy is to me.

    Although I can also tell the difference between the shy people and the people with problems (like suicidal, depression, etc.) and to be honest, I don’t become friends with those kinds of people anymore. I used to have friends like those when I was younger and it was so stressful and messed up that I vowed I wouldn’t make any more friends like that.

    Believe me when I say this, because it’s the truth: No one can help them. They can only help themselves. They need to realize they need help before anyone can really help them.

Of course, it’s always good for them to have one really good close friend, but that close friend is always going to feel a lot of stress. Always wondering, “Are they going to kill themselves tonight? Are they okay? (if it’s pertaining to anorexia) Are they eating properly? Are their parents beating them right now? How can I help them?” Being that one best friend is hard. And I’ve already been that person for a couple of people. Sometimes I could help. Sometimes I couldn’t. Right now, I only have one friend like that and she means everything in the world to me. But she’s the only one I can deal with right now.

    So now I have a lot of friends. My college has about 12 000 students, and every day I bump into at least 10 friends, and there are countless others who I’m only acquaintances with so we just kind of smily or nod at each other, acknowledging the other’s existence. And whenever I make a new friend, they are always fascinated by how many people I know. It feels nice, especially after years of just being the girl in the back with no friends, and little to no social standing.

    That’s all I really had to say for today, so until next time…

    Peace

Pretty average day

    So today I had lunch with a guy I will call G. I have lunch with G every Monday, after our gym class. He’s the sweetest guy ever and he always talks about what he did that weekend with his girlfriend. She lives an hour away and he only gets to see her once or twice a week, so he’s always really excited about seeing her. It’s so cute

    I also ended up having lunch with a friend I recently made in English class, who I will refer to as Shy Guy. This nickname is based on my first impression of him. I’m actually not sure if he’s shy or not, but whatever he is, it’s definitely cute. He can’t make eye contact with me for a very long time, and always shifts his eyes around the room once before he looks me in the eyes again. He blushes when he talks too much, and he looks so nervous. It makes me wonder if he’s either gay or just doesn’t have that many girl friends. He doesn’t talk that much, and when he does talk, he tends to just ask me questions so I’m the one who ends up talking. When I ask him questions he gives short answers and then asks another question about me. At first I thought he was very shy, but I now think he might just be a quiet sort of guy. I even questioned him about his quietness and he said “Well all guys are quiet.”

    Sorry hun, hate to inform you but all guys are definitely not quiet. All the guys I know talk a normal amount (or more in some cases) but it’s rare to find a genuinely quiet person. I actually think he’s the most adorable thing ever (but don’t worry, I’m not about to get a crush on him). I want him to become my new best straight guy friend, because I already have best girlfriends and a gay best friend.

    Honestly, I don’t have anything to rant about today. Nothing particularly pissed me off or made me unhappy (yay!). Sorry about the lack of writing. I’m actually a bit sick so maybe I’ll have something to write tomorrow when I’m over whatever I have now. But for now…

    Peace

Boys, Toys and various Joys

    So tonight I found out that Apple knows I’m crushing on him. I don’t know what to make of that at all. Apparently Apple, Vodka and one of their other friends (I’ll call him Roman) speculated about how obvious it was that I like him. I wonder… does that mean he doesn’t like me back? I know that whenever I try to establish physical contact, or get a little too close to him, he pulls away. I don’t know if that means he’s shy or if he’s just not into me. But at the same time, he walked me home last weekend and even arranged with me a gathering between C and Vodka and him and I, just so we could all get drunk together. On the flip side, he decided not to walk me home this weekend. Does that mean he realized I liked him last weekend when he walked me home and knows he doesn’t like me so he’s trying not to give me the wrong impression?

    It’s so confusing because last night I noticed something. It’s something that I normally do, but he did it this time. Usually I try to surreptitiously place us so I’m the only one beside him (like on his other side are people we don’t know), so that way I can easily have him all to myself. But this time, he placed himself in that position all by himself.

    What I’m really trying to say is that I’m getting so many mixed signals. But maybe I’m just looking for signals, and he’s not even giving me any. I don’t know.

    I had a long conversation with Roman, who introduced me and C to Apple and Vodka. Roman was pretty drunk, but I got a lot out of him. So apparently Roman, Vodka and Apple (and maybe other people, I don’t know). They had a conversation where it was implied that I like Apple. Roman told me to take things slow, and that Apple is very reserved (what I think he meant was that he was very shy) and I should just continue having long talks with him before I let him know about my feelings.

    So perhaps I’ll wait. Now that I know that he knows that I like him, I want to see where it leads me. I want to see if he tries to make any moves or at the very least, if he’s more receptive to my moves. I really hope he is. And if I get the feeling he isn’t being receptive at all, then I’ll just tell him I like him and get the rejection over with quickly, so I don’t have to deal with this long, drawn out process more than necessary. I love him. But I couldn’t stand having to be around him while not really knowing if he likes me back.

    Now enough about boys. I think I may have just had a fight with C. So C and Vodka were kind of making out all night. Whatever, I don’t mind that, they’re a couple and that’s kind of what couples do. But since there were seven of us, we decided to call a taxi van, which would fit all of us. But complications arose and so we ended up having to split up. Later on, she comes on msn and basically asks me why we all left her and Vodka behind. I told her it was because we ended up having to split up due to the complications, and we kind of had to make a split second decision while already in the cab. She asked me why she didn’t know this was all happening. So I told her the truth (bad idea, seeing as she has the temper of a dragon who is constantly PMSing); I said that she wasn’t really there during the decision making (i.e. she was sucking face with her boyfriend the whole time and didn’t know what we were doing).

    So she signed off immediately (probably blocked me) and now I don’t know what’s happening. The thing is, I can’t afford to get into a fight with her, because her and Vodka are the only link to Apple right now. Apple and Vodka are best friends. Vodka and C are going out. I’m best friends with C. So we can kind of do that double date thing. Since Vodka and C are going out, and I’m friends with C and Apple’s friends with Vodka, that just leaves Apple and I alone to talk while we give N and H their couple time.

    Ughhh I’m such an idiot. Sometimes I just say exactly what comes to my mind without even thinking about what I’m saying, and it has gotten me into trouble so many times. I need to kiss her ass ASAP so that I can get back to macking on Apple (haha such a bad pun).

    Oh and by the way, I didn’t confess to Apple (did I already say that?), and he didn’t end up coming tonight as I’d hoped. But I’m glad he didn’t because it was at a club, which is definitely not his style. He’s more into more relaxing venues like bars and such. God I love him. I would totally be a recluse with him if he let me be his girlfriend. I would honestly give up half my social life to be his girlfriend. Which would limit me to one party a weekend (seeing as I normally go to at least two parties a weekend).

    Like most girls, I don’t just want him in the carnal sense (I don’t just want to fuck him), I want him as my boyfriend, my significant other. Although I also want to fuck him.

    Anyway, wish me luck with this shy boy. I think I’ll need it.

    Peace

Are guys really that stupid?

    So I saw Apple yesterday after the Deadmau5 concert and I wasn’t expecting it at all. If you’ve ever been to a concert like that, then you know you get drunk off your ass (and/or high off some other drugs of choice), wear glow sticks and dance like a rabbit on speed. And usually, a lot of sweating is involved, which for girls, can be devastating. Imagine mascara that is smeared across your face, and all other make-up has already been sweat off.

    Thankfully I didn’t sweat that much and my mascara was easily repaired by a quick trip to the ladies room. But god, did I look horrible. As previously mentioned, all my cover up, foundation and blush had been sweated off.

    Okay, so I’ll stop complaining and tell you the whole story. First of all, my friends’ boyfriend is best friends with Apple. So her boyfriend (who I will call Vodka from now on) hung out with us before the concert, and my friend (who I’ll simply call C) was going to meet up with Vodka after the concert. I went along with her because I really didn’t have anything better to do. When we got to the bar they were at, Apple was there too!!

    I’m hoping that since guys don’t even really notice when girls put make-up on, or how much make-up they put on…. or really notice anything about how girls try to make themselves prettier, I’m hoping that he didn’t notice my greasy face (which I made less greasy with a little help from something I call Purell). As per usual, I ended up sitting beside Apple the whole night and talking. I pretended I didn’t have any money for a cab so I could walk home with him, but my plan backfired catastrophically. I walked with him and the other random guy up two streets, which is where we parted ways. Apparently, he had been planning to go to the random guys’ house the whole time. So I had to walk the half hour it took to get home at 3am when it’s about 4C outside. Not my best hour. This leads me to my next point.

Rant of the day: Are guys really that stupid?

    I mean, I sat beside Apple the whole night. I talked to him. I listened to his conversations with the other random guy, partly because I was in between them and partly because I wanted a reason to look at him from time to time. And I do this every time I see him. I sit beside him, so we kind of have a secluded corner, talk to him or listen and occasionally input my opinion in a conversation he’s having with someone else. Let me just show you the seating arrangement.

                           [Vodka] [C]

[Random guy] [     Table       ]

                           [Me] [Apple]

    Keep in mind that C and Vodka are nuzzling and making out in their corner, so it’s basically just me, Apple and random guy left. Random guy and Apple have a long conversation, which is way too smart of a conversation for me to really understand or participate in. So I just listen, giving my opinion when I feel I have a grasp of the situation enough to actually speak. Eventually, random guy goes off and gets high with some strangers, which leaves me and Apple. Finally. We end up having our own conversation that lasts until the rest of the night.

   Now, I’m not sure about you, but to me, that’s basically a date (minus the bar scene, random guy and my friends making out across from us). Even though I’m not openly macking on him, I’m trying to mack on him in a classy way. But then I think to myself, “He’s not experience (at all).” And so I have to cut him a bit of slack. But even if you had no experience whatsoever, and taking into account that he is not oblivious to the world around him, how can he not realize I like him? I’m with him the whole goddamn night, I talk to him, I give him the very obvious hint that I want him to walk me home (it’s on his way home, after all). But no. He goes to his friend’s house.

    Is he really that dumb? Or does his inexperience make him think “Huh. So a girl is talking with me all night, with me all night. Maybe she’s just being friendly.” Or does he cast doubt on himself? Like “Oh well she was acting like she had a crush on me but… maybe it’s just me”?

    I would be a hell of a lot more frustrated right now if I knew I wasn’t going to be seeing him for another week, but thank god, I’m seeing him tonight. Tonight is the night I will definitely tell him how I feel! Wish me luck.

Peace.